Updating this old post with translations for the short on-screen comic:
Karen & Tsukihi: We’re the Fire Sisters!
Karen: Ah! Down the street, it’s that swindler we’ve been hearing about!
Kaiki: Hehehe. What a beautiful day to cheat people!
Karen: Want some more?!
Kaiki: I’ve turned over a new leaf.
Kaiki: Let me make amends.
(Book is labeled “Swindle Diary”)
Kaiki: Do you know her?
Karen: Who’s this untouched, honest, bright-looking girl?
Karen: Know her?
Koyomi: Let me try asking Gahara-san.
Karen: So it was Senjougahara Hitagi-sama…
It’s me, Kaiki. ”Kai” as in “shell midden” (kaizuka) and “ki” as in “dead tree” (kareki). Kaiki Deishu.
When I went to buy a new cell phone, all they had were smartphones. Times sure have changed!
But contrary to the name “smartphone,” they’re pretty fat, aren’t they? They’re about twice as thick as regular cell phones, to the point of being bulky.
They’re a pain to put in your pocket, and on the other hand, the screen’s so big that it seems like it’d break easily. Don’t just assume everybody will put on a screen protector!
Good grief, I won’t go as far as to call them “fatphones,” but they’re more like “flatphones,” don’t you think?
Well, in any case, the one thing I don’t want to be is the type of person who’s depended on devices so much and then dismisses them as having gone the way of the dodo or being junk.
Next episode, Tsukihi Phoenix, Part One.
That’s the lesson that I should take away from this incident.
“You can laugh after stealing the first kiss of your only 2 sisters? Are you even human!? You have less integrity than a hamster! This couldn’t be by accident!? You were aiming for it from the start!? You must have done it while she was sleeping in Karen’s case too, right!?”
“No, you’re mistaken. In your case, it was when you were sleeping, but in Karen’s case, it was when she was sick.”
“You’re the worst! Everyone, here is the worst human in the world! Here’s a criminal who sexually abuses his family!”
- Nisemonogatari Volume 2 “Tsukihi Phoenix” Chapter 11
To be honest, Hanekawa told me this once.
During the events of Golden Week.
“Araragi-kun. You might be able to be a star, but you’re unable to be a hero.”
It was difficult to hear.
But her words were true.
Hanekawa’s words were always true.
I’m not an ally of justice.
I’m not an ally of humanity or ally of monsters either.
I’m their ally.
I’m just a regular older brother.
- from Nisemonogatari Volume 2 “Tsukihi Phoenix” Chapter 11
I said, turning around. Karen was about to sit down where I had been sitting until now.
“Yes? What is it, Nii-chan?”
She said, looking back at me.
“Could you die for me?”
“Yes, I could die for you. So what do you want?”
… Her answer was as expected, but she still looked so cool… You’re definitely a carbon copy of Kanbaru. Really, if she weren’t my little sister, I think I might have fallen for her. If only she weren’t my little sister…
“Then, could you die for Tsukihi?”
- Nisemonogatari Volume 2 “Tsukihi Phoenix” Chapter 11 (emphasis mine)
“So, to put it more generally, the enemy of justice is another brand of justice.”
“War is when that reaches its logical limit. Even the Fire Sisters’ justice must be the enemy of justice for someone else. As long as you stand for something, somehow, you can be twisted to be the enemy of justice.
- Araragi Koyomi speaking to Araragi Karen in Nisemonogatari Volume 2 “Tsukihi Phoenix” Chapter 11
“Oh really? Well, I value Kanbaru-sensei much more than our front gate. Besides basketball, we also played tag inside a jungle gym togethe- wait, I take that back, our destroyed front gate is much more important!”
Karen plays the straight man a little late.
Wait, it’s fine that you finally realized it, but the thought of you and Kanbaru playing tag in a jungle gym gets my imagination running… I want to hear the details.
- Araragi Karen and Araragi Koyomi from Nisemonogatari Volume 2 “Tsukihi Phoenix” Chapter 11
“I’m home~ wow, today was so fun! This was the most memorable day of my up and down but happy life. This kind of surprise doesn’t come twice! After today, there will be nothing that can surprise me! … wait, whoa-what!!? Our front gate is missing!? What the heck is this!?”
About 5 o’clock in the evening.
Karen came home earlier than I had expected, and her response to the destruction in front of our home was better than I had expected.
- Nisemonogatari Volume 2 “Tsukihi Phoenix” Chapter 11
“I know this from experience, but when you get strangled, it can start feeling good - you try it too, Nii-chan!”
“There’s someone who tried to strangle you!? I completely forgive that guy!”
“But you’re by big brother!”
- Araragi Karen and Araragi Koyomi from Nisemonogatari Volume 1 “Karen Bee” Chapter 20
“Hehehehe, do you understand, Nii-chan? After you say, “rocks,” you put your hand out with “paper,” then the opponent who was waiting for you to say “scissors” is forced to play late, which means I win by default! Alright, you owe me a piggyback ride, Nii-chan!”
I punched my little sister in the face.
I punched her with my fist.
This wasn’t a playful punch, this was by the fist of a demon.
A demon’s punch is a good one.
Since I hit when my little sister, who normally has excellent defense, when she was too busy feeling good about herself, I landed a perfect hit.
I guess it’s true what they say, people have the most openings right when they’re most sure of their victory.
- Nisemonogatari Volume 2 “Tsukihi Phoenix” Chapter 3
“You trained too much, you 1/12 scale model of Sister Princess!”
“That would make me just a regular little sister!”
“Are you an electric fan? I bet I wouldn’t sound like an alien if I talked in front of you, you 1/6 scale model of Futakoi!”
“Tsukihi and I aren’t twins!”
“Originally, you were supposed to be!”
If you read carefully, you can find bits of evidence that they were originally supposed to be twins.
- Nisemonogatari Volume 1 “Karen Bee” Chapter 20
Wait, if you’re not going to stick that toothbrush up my butt, what do you intend to do with it? Do toothbrushes have uses other than sticking up your butt?
- Araragi Karen from Nisemonogatari Volume 2 “Tsukihi Phoenix” Chapter 3